Diary of a Pod Pilot

Day 4: Friday: Fanfest day 2

Friday started off with the Women in EVE roundtable, which Shae, Lacrimae and me attended to represent the yarr. Across the table from me was Kayleigh Jamieson, whom I was supposed to deliver a hug to at Fanfest on behalf of Jude Kopenhagen. Mission completed. The general tone at the roundtable is one I agree with: “Don’t treat us special, we are gamers first and women second.”. Interesting point made however that overly sexual references are bad though. But I think the scope of that is broader than male / female. It can also come across badly to GLBT community. At the end of the roundtable a picture was made of all us female gamers (can anyone get me a link to this if they got it?) and from the pictures I saw from the previous year I think the turnout broke the old record again. Well done ladies.

After the roundtable I hit up the Captains Quarters presentation, because seeing new goodies on a bigger screen is always worth it. Ship spinning seriously got buffed, as soon as this is on SiSi I want to go and play with it. I’m curious as well how the revamped NPE will end up being like. And that agent finder thing sounds nifty too. People are worried this is small stuff, but this really is a lot of the foundation ground work on which everything else will be built. We also got to see little bits of what establishments will be like, which is what corporations will run, and where you can meet up with everyone (think current day bar channels), and of course they will include branding to show that this bar is yours. Captain Quarters eventually also will be able to be customized, in a first rollout we will get fixed environments however.

While waiting for the Keynote to start I watched Lacrimae get her Guristas logo tattoo. Badass! Contemplating getting an Angel Cartel logo done next year. The artists knew what they were doing, and the logo in itself is beautiful enough that even when no longer playing EVE it is something worth keeping.

The keynote as always was pretty interesting. Numbers were shown on growth, the war versus lag, and the expanding workforce. The miscommunication debacle was admitted to, and CCP itself can have a laugh about it, which is why I hold such high respect for them. A lot of companies would attempt to cover it up or plain out deny it. We were also given a peek at things to come like the 3D UI we see in the trailers (omg yes), the improved EVE font (FUCK YEAH), removal of agent quality (which impacts several areas of the game, yet might just lead to agents per system becoming the new hub criteria) and corp logos on ships (wheeeeee!). Team BFF had some more little changes like a clear difference in BPO and BPC coming was hinted at in their last dev blog as a blueprint change and implant hotplugging rather than having to pause training. All good stuff, and maybe not as fancy as new stuff, but it makes me very happy because some new features I might not really interact with but these kinda things you run into no matter what you do.

And then it was time for the famous beer quiz. Managed to get myself a front row spot there, and of course a beer. So many laughs were had my tummy ached near the end.  J4M Z took the honors of helping out with the salsa dancing round, helping claim another victory for the winning team this year.

In the evening it was time to dine out in style at The Fishmarket. So much good food, there was a total foodcoma after over three hours of feasting. Mixed feelings on getting served whale at some point though, as they are an endangered species, but there was the assurance the meat did not came from illegal whale catching. And well, if it is already dead and on your plate there isn’t much you can do about it still. It tasted really good, but I wouldn’t have ordered it myself if I could help it. Sea Shepherd still gets my support.

Everyone has a breaking point, and I have hit mine. I’ve been in hiding for what now, two weeks? Something like that, at least. Operation Platinum Halo ended quite unexpected. I should write the report on that, but I simply lack the willpower to do so.

Gods and spirits, this is frustrating, I need to get myself together again. Before someone gets the bright idea of checking up on how I’m doing. I submitted a vague leave of absence some days after returning to Goinard, saying the loss of the VCS Acquisitio and getting a skill level yanked out of my head had me needing some time to recover. There’s some truth in that, surely, but that ain’t all of it.

Why did I have to go and fall for the most stubborn man in the whole of New Eden? I had no other choice than to come here. Yet the irony of it all, considering the role the Guristas played in his history and how this almost resembles what happened in the past …

Myrhial gives a pained sigh.

He probably doesn’t even realize how much I miss him, even now. In some way, I probably deserved this. Yet all I want is him back by my side. I promised Aria I’d take care of him. Breaking his hart and then crushing the pieces under my boots sure ain’t doing it right.

But I can’t just give up. I’ve learned so much here, but I am not quite done. Just a little longer. Then I can go back to PRETA. The revival of Naraka. A phoenix from its ashes. I have no doubts it will be a success.

Will he return to me then? I am not sure. I’d give so much for it to happen, but I realize I might have wasted all my chances. If only he could see things my way, I am sure he’d understand.

Myrhial takes a deep breath.

Enough ranting, nothing is getting done this way. I’ll rest a little longer and then get back into the action. Finish what I started, and then onwards to the future. I’d let so many more down if I didn’t. And that is not my intent.

“Nothing is lost when everyone wins”. What a lovely lie. Truth is that I have lost something to all this. Or someone, I should say: Jude. For the last months we were so happy together, although we’ve always kept it a secret. A CEO being romantically involved with her director is not exactly professional. Not that it matters anymore. PRETA is in stasis, and we are … well, I don’t know if over is the correct word, as I have not lost his love. It merely can’t be anymore.

I knew the moment I made my decision this would happen. He’s always been fiercely opposed to us working together with Veto. Personal bias, which in my opinion stands in the way of opportunity. I understand why it is such a delicate topic, what with the history between his former corporation and the Guristas Associates, and then us merging into Veto for the time being. I had hoped he’d see past it, but he feels I made a selfish decision choosing the option with the most benefits for myself. Considering what price I pay for it, I am not so sure it holds the most benefits. He does not seem to understand that I did this for the good of all Ghosts, offering them a chance I apparently couldn’t, and now learning how to be a better CEO for PRETA’s sake. According to him it will paint me off as unreliable to the outside world. My thoughts on that? No matter what you do, if someone wants to think bad of you, they will find bad in it.

I’ve decided to make my retreat to Curse for an unknown period of time. I need the solitude and the quiet to meditate. Agent missions are also giving me the opportunity to display my loyalty. A little more challenging than it used to be, as Cursed Alliance are now inhabiting the surroundings and keep attempting to probe out my location. I’ll just have to work around that.

19.04.112 YC :: Goinard IV – Moon 5 – Impro Factory

Myrhial is seated at a table in living quarters that lack the Cartel and Achur influences of her usual abode. Instead the room is distinctively Caldari, with various details of the design colored bright red. The camera drone changes focus and zooms in on an object laying on the table, which when close enough reveals to be a chain to which two pairs of dogtags are attached. Zooming in further the inscriptions become readable. “Myrhial Arkenath, CEO, Ghost Festival, Naraka.” is embossed into the first pair, the corporation and alliance logo displayed on the flip side. The second pair gleams brightly, betraying it to be brand new. It too displays the logos for its respective corporation and alliance, and reads “Myrhial Arkenath – 009 – Veto. – Veto Corp”. Lingering a few seconds — it is unclear if this is to either add a dramatic pause or leave the slower readers enough time — the drone pans up and focuses on Myrhial again, who begins to speak.

“Don’t be alarmed. I’ve neither been bought out, abducted or was under the influence. I simply made a decision in the best interests of all involved.”

Myrhial picks up the chain and puts it on, sliding the tags under the collar of her blouse.

“Let me begin at the beginning, which places us before the start of Operation Longshot, which by the way was a big fluke. It was planned to be our first attempt at applying our style of combat to nulsec, and to increase both activity and morale which began to be on the decline. But it turned out to be neither. While we did try and make something out of it we lost the numbers we needed right at the start due to sheer bad luck with circumstances mostly outside of our control, ranging from issues with license extension to disagreements over the direction we were taking. Had there been fewer issues, and spread over a longer period of time, they could have been tackled, but alas it was not so. And then there is Jude vanishing again when I needed his assistance the most. And much as that puts me into a bad mood, I do wonder if he’s alright… Ah well, at least now I don’t have to worry anymore about a possible demotion.”

Myrhial shakes her head briefly in disappointment.

“I wish it could have been otherwise, but even capsuleers have limits. I’ve given it my everything, made the decisions I felt were right, and it wasn’t enough. I will not say I have been defeated, the support messages I have so far received and will likely keep receiving in the following period tell me otherwise. And I need only to read back into my writings to be reminded of all we have accomplished so far. Not bad for a corporation at one point split into two. Staying and making it work against the odds turned out to be well worth it.”

Myrhial smiles, aware of the irony.

“So why not stay now, then? Because this time, it is different. This time changing corporations it is not taking the easy way out, but accepting an opportunity that not many will ever receive: To be a regular member of a successful corporation and yet receiving directorate level access to data and communications. Ethan and I agreed on these terms to have the highest level of transparency as possible, with the added benefits for me that I could learn from their own successes and mistakes…or alternatively at least rule out one way of how I will not run things in the future. It is quite likely I am shooting myself in the foot here and that I will be the only one returning. I won’t hold it against anyone. I simply want to prevent a good group of pilots scattering, or ending up somewhere less desirable.

As for my loyalty to the Cartel, that remains unchanged. While I will abide by the rules of Veto Corp and will not engage Guristas forces, neither will I open fire on Cartel forces. And if I want to clone-jump down to Curse and do agent work there I am free to do so as I please. Can’t recall I’ve actually ever had any missions against Guristas forces, so it shouldn’t form a problem.”

Myrhial pauses a moment to adjust herself to a more upright position, and folds her hands in front of her.

“I know some of you out there see what I do as ‘weakness’ or even ‘treason’. I’ll give you my simple answer to that: If you feel you can do it better, do it yourself. You’d even do me a huge favor by promoting the Cartel amongst capsuleers, and provide a place for them now I can’t. But if you’re going to sit there and judge, believing that you could have done a better job under the same circumstances and with the same level of experience, or even feel for some reason you have the right to judge without knowing all the details, then I hope you realize such words have a way of backfiring in most ironic ways. We are far from Gods. And I have a pretty good memory.”

Myrhial’s expession turns milder again, having gone cold over the course of the last few sentences.

“To conclude, I wish to express my sincere gratitude to those who have stood with us. While I am aware this has come as bad news, I will not apologize or say that I am sorry. A good leader knows when to make the call and acts in the best interests of the corporation until the very last moment. And that is exactly what I have done, and will continue to do, always. Interesting times are ahead and I look forward to new experiences and expanding my knowledge. I am far from retiring, but I will take this as a well deserved vacation. Soak it all in, regain my energy, and arise better than before when the time is right.”

Decided to remain in Goinard a little longer after Sunday’s interceptor operation. Earlier I had made my way to the cloning facilities to jump there and overheard a conversation between two Cartel raiders about a large shipment of Absinthe that had been intercepted. Couldn’t help but to think of Vincent, and how I had utterly failed to stay in contact. So yesterday, after meeting some of the Ghosts at The Skyhook I headed down to The Last Gate and surely there he was sitting at the bar, a glass of the green drink at his side, waving me over as soon as he saw me.

Two months since he left Ghost Festival, yet he hugged me as fondly as if it had been yesterday and offered me a drink. Decided a traditional glass of Absinthe was fitting for this reunion. I was glad to hear his soul-searching has been going well and his life is less of the chaos it used to be. He also told me — or well, I actually overheard it slightly before that — that the Guristas have invested in Veto Corp. Interesting. I’ll have to ask Ethan for some more details.

Kimochi walked in a little later and joined us. Had been a good while I had spoken to her outside of corporate channels. I am pretty sure that despite her affliction part of the fault lies with me there as well. Gods and spirits, I’m really a poor friend. She liked my compliment about her eye-patch though. After what happened to her she’s still one of the most graceful and charismatic women I know. Yes, there’s some envy there.

We spoke on the topic of the Scavenger Hunt that Jude is currently running. The concept is simple: If you have one of the modules or items from the list on your kill record you can claim it and receive a point. The prize of the contest is made up of what loot is recovered and additional donations, and the one with the most points wins it all. Everyone agreed it is an excellent motivator to go out and take a little more risk than usual to get into an engagement and learn from it. I’ve grown used to Jude’s “reckless” style of flying by now, but Kimochi still felt a little bad still about the loss of her Harbinger on Tuesday. Since I am actually doing rather well on the Scavenger Hunt I plan to stay in Goinard some more now I have the time and reason to roam through the void. Hope the Dominations won’t mind.